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Noah's Ark 2008 ...

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Noah's Ark 2008 ...

Postby Gaev » Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:19 pm

A friend of mine emailed this article to me ...
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord. 'Your government beat me to it.'

Of course Noah neglected to mention the real reason for the delay ...

First, spurred by all those "hi, I am a PC ... and my friend here is an App(ho)le" commercials on TV, Noah decided to use iNoah on his iMac Air.

Months later, the Open Source Evangelists convinced him to switch to MutuMoja under Linux.

When the 3 programmers (volunteers) working on MutuMoja lost interest in the project (and moved on to the MobiDick project), the IBM salesman convinced Noah to use turboArkBuilder 9.54 ... only $49.95.

Of course, the salesman neglected to mention that IBM would charge him $400/hour to train him how to use the software ... that they would out source to someone in India for $15/hour.

The last thing the Lord was heard muttering was "next time, use NeoArkBuilder from NeoSoftware ... and don't forget to download the (free) plugin hpwLisp4CAD ... its already proven in lots of wood related projects.
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Postby Wrangler » Wed Jul 09, 2008 7:40 am

Good one. :D :D :D
"You never know about a woman. Whether she'll laugh, cry or go for a gun." - Louis L'Amour

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Postby HPW » Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:42 am


Not sure if it would be of much help!

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